Author: Alison

Dissolving Past Pain and Moving Forward in Your Life

Have you ever been hurt so badly that you thought you’d never come out on the other side? Perhaps you’re still holding onto that grief. If you are, then it’s time to learn how to let go of past pain. You deserve to let it go and learn how to move forward with your life. 

Holding onto past pain and anguish is a kind of self-inflicted torture that can cause serious health risks as well as emotional scarring. The truth is, when you cling to the past, you’re internally changing your present.

How can something you’ve kept inside for so long just be let go? It’s not an easy task, but it can be done with a little effort and self-reflection.

Here are some ways you can let go of past pain and disappointment, so you can move forward with your head held high: 

1. Know what’s holding you back. What are you holding onto and why? Identify the things you’re keeping inside that you shouldn’t be.

  • For example, maybe your best friend betrayed you in a way that broke your trust. Recognise this and figure out a way to finally deal with it. Get in touch with them again, then explain the pain they’ve caused.
  • They may not even be aware they did anything to upset you. Whether or not they apologise isn’t important. While it may be nice, you can’t control others or force them to say sorry. However, by simply voicing your feelings, you are finding closure from the hurtful situation.

Getting closure on something that was left open-ended can make a huge difference in letting things go. 

2. Talk it out. If the person who caused the hurt is still in your life, talk to them about the way they made you feel. If that person isn’t available, try to talk to a close friend or professional therapist about the situation.

Getting your emotions out in the open can help you get over any resentment or anger you may be feeling. Bottling up your emotions is never a good thing. Let it all out in a constructive way and you’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel.  

3. Forgive and forget. It may sound easier said than done, but forgiving someone who has hurt you can be extremely therapeutic. Strive to let things stay in the past and don’t allow them to affect your present.

  • Once you learn to forgive the people who’ve caused your pain, you will find it far easier to heal and move on with your life. 

4. Make the first move. You’re in charge of your pain. You’re the one who carries it around with you and you’re the only one who can change its intensity. It’s up to you to take control of the pain and take the first step towards making yourself feel better.

  • Acknowledge that your pain is real and that a positive solution exists.
  • Confront the cause of the pain and do everything in your power to get rid of it. 

The best way to move forward is to forgive the past. If you can’t change the past, you might as well learn to accept it and move on. You’ll be glad you did once you see just how bright your future can be when you regain control of your life.

Make the conscious decision, today, to live your life free from pain and resentment – you’ll feel SO much better!

Focus on the Positive Point

In my early 20’s I did a skydive for charity – most people do a tandem skydive for their first jump which means they are strapped to another person who does all the work for you. I was training for a static-line exit  which means I was flying by myself, with the rip cord attached to the plane. When I jump out of the plane the rip cord pulls open my parachute. 

We spent a weekend doing the training –  I was to jump the old style round canopy which meant there is no flair and soft landing on your feet like you see today. When I land this baby I had to roll it out or Parachute Landing Roll (PLR).

Ok, the week end came and we went through all the training and I passed my ground school. But the weather, as it so often is in the UK was vial and rainy – or as I call it “baby weather” as it’s wet and windy – whatever you call it, it was  no good for a skydive. 

So we spent the day doing Parachute Landing Rolls inside the hanger  – PLR after PLR after PLR.   We’re in a harness on a platform about 10 feet above the ground. We step off the platform, scoot down a zip wire, hit the ground and roll it out. Well it was raining  A LOT that day – so I ended up doing A LOT of PLR’s  and they became second nature. A few weeks later I returned to the drop zone when the weather was better and did my first static-line skydive – with a perfect Parachute Landing Roll landing.

Fast forward about 20 years I was living in Southern Ireland  – I took up skydiving aged 42 to get out of my comfort zone. I was in a total rut:  My marriage was in a mess, I was very unhappy and life was not exciting or fulfilling. 

So I chose the most extreme and exciting  thing I could  think of and that was Skydiving! I did the Accelerated Free Fall course or AFF.  This is an intense weekend of ground schooling,  followed by 7 assessed jumps – the first 3 with 2 other instructors and the last 4 with 1 instructor.   I failed level 4  and had to re-jump but eventually, over the course of about 4 months, I passed the course in 8 jumps. (The weather in Ireland was even worse than in the UK!)

I could now jump solo, pull my own parachute and land by myself. This time I was jumping on a modern square parachute not the old fashioned round ones – meaning more control and steering, and required a flare to land (I didn’t always land on my feet but that was the intention!)

So one day a group of us travelled from Dublin to Girona in Spain to visit another drop zone – a beautiful place called Emporia Brava. Jump number 22 so still a very new skydiver – We went up to 13,000 feet, my instructor and I left the plane together, had good exit and a good flight. Pulled my parachute at 4,000 feet, no problems and all good. 

Then the drama started. My final approach to land was way too high, and it didn’t help that the wind had changed too. I was running out of runway to land. 

There was a motorway at the end of the drop zone and some large advertising hoarding boards showing their adverts to the motorway drivers. 

All I could see was the back of these boards – and it was all I focussed on! I couldn’t look away – it was like a magnet – a train wreck – I COULDN’T turn away! Well the inevitable happened, and I ended up going toward these hoarding boards just before the motorway. Energy flows where focus goes and I was aiming directly for these boards – and quickly! My focal point was not at all positive – it wasn’t where I wanted to go but I kept looking at it anyway – and kept heading towards it!

I had to lift my legs up over the boards to avoid landing directly on them and caught my jumpsuit on a nail sticking up. I could see a lorry on the motorway, just feet away – I could even see the whites of the drivers very wide eyes! I then just forced my head to focus somewhere else – I dumped a toggle and landed on the edge of the drop zone and the embankment of the motorway – in a perfect Parachute Landing roll! – My time in a hanger nearly 20 years ago on a wet weekend in the UK had served me well! 

I came out with a slightly split lip from kneeing myself in the face, and a hole in my jumpsuit which was flashing next weeks washing at everyone. 2 inches lower on that nail and I would be telling a very different story!  (It didn’t put me off skydiving though – these things happen) – Interestingly – on a return visit to Emporia Brava, the advertising hoarding boards had been taken down!

So my point to you is to focus on what you DO want not on what you don’t want. The richest men and women in the world became so successful by having a clear vision of where they wanted to go, focussing on it and then taking action towards it.  You can’t hit a fuzzy target. 

Focussing on the negative point not the positive point nearly cost me my life and not just my pride  and my jump suit!  Stay focussed on the positive point – and watch how your life will change! Ali

Mind your language…

“One evening my mother made dinner after a hard day’s work. She put a plate of eggs, salad and burnt toast in front of my father.

I immediately noticed, the burnt toast and, I was waiting to see if he was going to complain about it, but my father started to eat them, smiling and asked me how I spent my day at school.

My mom apologized to my dad for the burnt toast. I will never forget his response to her: “Honey, I love burnt toast!”

Later when I went to bed and my dad came over to say goodnight, I asked him if he really liked the burnt toast?

He hugged me and said, “Your mother has had a difficult day and she is really tired. She went out of her way to prepare this meal for us, why blame her and hurt her. Burnt toast never hurt anyone; but words can be very painful!”

Author Unknown.

We have to know how to appreciate what others do for us, even if it’s not perfect, because it’s the intention to do well that counts, and no one is perfect. Always appreciate what you DO have not what you don’t have.